Through The Eyes Of Nico Di Angelo
by Allislove123
Summary: A one-shot about how Nico might have reacted when Percy and Annabeth first got together. Set at the end of The Last Olympian.


**Hi. I'm not sure what time it is but I think it's around four in the morning my time (I just got back from holiday and I'm sooooooooo jet-lagged!)... anyway, I was looking through my old files and found this story which I wrote about a year ago and surprisingly I actually kind of liked... It's a one-shot about how Nico might have reacted when Percy and Annabeth first got together. Obviously I changed some things up and took out the bits that didn't work and added the odd paragraph or two, but remember that most of it was written BEFORE Blood Of Olympus came out, so some of it might not make much sense. It's set right at the end of The Last Olympian.**

**Enjoy and please review if you have the time xxx**

If I thought the world hated me before, I know it despises me now. I walked along the green close to the dining pavilion, where some campers were finishing their dinner, though most had trickled away to the campfire for a singalong or to their cabins. I was smiling, which felt strange. All throughout dinner, I had been experiencing something completely unheard of before... People were being _nice_ to me! Me, Nico Di Angelo! People had been coming up to me, patting me on the back and telling me what a great job I did in the fight against Kronos. Honestly, I thought the zombies had done more than I had but I was still pretty proud of myself. I stood up to my dad, stood up to Kronos, and yeah, I guess I kind of stood up to myself as well. Of course, I didn't do half as much as Percy had...

I smiled wider, thinking about Percy. I thought about the expression on his face when I showed up to fight with my dad: the way his smile was so wide I thought his face might split. It was like he was genuinely _happy_ to see me. Like the sight of me might actually make him happy. Like I might actually be worth something to him, _him_, the mythical figure, the bravest of all heroes.

It had been so long since I had felt hopeful about anything. And I mean, I knew it was a slim chance but just maybe... After all those things Percy said about trusting me... Was it possible he felt the same way? Was it possible that he could actually see me the way I saw him? Previously I thought these thoughts, these feelings of mine were disgusting, inhuman, unnatural. But maybe times had changed since the 1930's. Maybe I didn't have to hide anymore...

I passed by a clump of bushes beside the dining pavilion, the sun casting it's warm glow over my face. I squinted at it, wanting to see it's reflection off the water. Instead, I was shocked to see a single camper sitting at his table, staring contentedly out at the ocean. My stomach twisted itself into knots when I realized it was Percy. He was sitting lazily, the muscles in his face and arms more visibly relaxed than I had ever seen them. His raven hair gleamed in the splendor of the sunset, making his face shine a radiant gold. Forget half-blood, he looked like a _god._

In that moment, I felt a sudden and irrational surge of confidence flow through me. I wanted to tell him. I wanted to walk straight up to him and whisper all my adoration and fondness. I wanted for once in my life to find the right words. I wanted those individual fragments of devotion to fall from my lips and be swept along by the warm breeze until at last they found him. Suddenly, the only real thought was how much I wanted him to know, and with that thought all my fear of rejection, of being forever unloved, evaporated. I felt my feet carrying me forward to a gap in the bushes I could easily squeeze through. I opened my mouth, his name poised on my lips. But before this holy utterance could roll off my tongue, someone else beat me to it.

'Hey,' a voice sounded from one side of the pavilion, and I saw Percy's head turn. I could not see who the speaker was at first, but Percy's face lit up with undisguised happiness. The owner of the voice came closer, and I caught the flash of blonde hair reflecting the sun and turning the color of molten gold. Annabeth grinned at Percy, sliding onto the bench beside him. She was holding in her hands what looked to be a huge slab of chocolate cake, topped with a single candle and completely smothered with blue frosting.

'Happy birthday.'

'What?' Percy asked, sounding vaguely confused, though accepting the cake anyway. I knew that at this point I should leave, and anything less would be eavesdropping. But then again, this was _just_ Percy and Annabeth, I was sure they wouldn't mind too much, and besides, I couldn't quite bring myself to tare my gaze away from Percy yet. I crouched behind the bush, peeling back the leaves and pushing my face through the small gap so Percy and Annabeth seemed to be framed by the ring of leaves surrounding my peripheral vision.

'It's August 18th, your birthday, right?' I smiled inwardly at Percy's look of surprise at the revelation that it was his birthday. I remembered Percy's last birthday, when I had first proposed my plan to him. I remembered how he had invited me in to my first ever birthday party.

'Did you make this yourself?' Percy asked, surveying the misshapen cupcake.

'Tyson helped.'

Percy smiled in a reminiscent sort of way. 'That explains why it looks like a chocolate brick. With extra blue cement.' Annabeth laughed and lightly punched him on the arm. Percy looked at her, long and hard. Then he blew out the candle. Percy and Annabeth cut the cake in half and shared, every now and again glancing up and smiling at each other. It seemed like a perfectly innocent moment, and it was nice to see them both looking so happy and content. And yet, something about the sideways glances Percy kept shooting at Annabeth made me nervous, but before I had time to think about it, Annabeth spoke, interrupting my thoughts.

'You saved the world.'

'We saved the world.' I smiled at the nobility of Percy. Of course he wouldn't take all the credit.

'And Rachel is the new oracle, which means she won't be dating anybody.' What? Why was that of any relevance? Why would Annabeth even bring it up? Annabeth looked at him almost slyly, but there was a strange look in her eyes. The way she looked at him reminded me of someone, but I couldn't think of who.

'You don't sound disappointed.' Huh? Why did Percy care? Why did he care what she thought?

Annabeth shrugged. 'Oh, I don't care.'

'Uh-huh.' Percy didn't sound convinced.

And now Annabeth's look was definitely sly. I wasn't sure I liked it. 'You got something to say to me, Seaweed Brain?'

'You'd probably kick my butt.'

'You _know_ I'd kick your butt.'

Percy brushed the cake off his hands. 'When I was at the River Styx, turning invulnerable... Nico said-' I did my best to suppress the giddy thrill which stole through me when he did so much as utter my name. '-I had to concentrate on one thing that kept me anchored to the world, that made me want to stay mortal.'

I thought back to that day. I thought about how it had felt, watching him collapse into the murky black water of the Styx. I thought about how it had felt to stand at the water's edge waiting for him to resurface, terrified of what would happen if he didn't. And finally, I thought of how confused he had looked when he finally burst out of the river, as though he had experienced some sort of revelation beyond his newfound invulnerability. Was it possible he'd seen... Annabeth? Was _she_ what kept him anchored to the mortal world? No... No that was impossible.

Annabeth's soft voice broke me free of my thoughts, and I was no longer standing on the bank of the styx, but crouching beside the dining pavillion. 'Yeah?'

'Then up on Olympus, when they wanted to make me a god and stuff, I kept thinking-'

'Oh you _so_ wanted to.'

'Well, maybe a little. But I didn't, because I thought, I didn't want things to stay the same for eternity, because things could always get better. And I was thinking...'

A smile was curling the corners of Annabeth's mouth, and I finally realized who the smile reminded me of. The smile reminded me of _me_. Because in that moment she looked the way I felt so often when _I _looked at him, sheer adoration etched into every line of her face which lit up at the sight of him.

'Anyone in particular?' she asked. And then it dawned on me. What I had been pretending I couldn't see for years. Percy would never say my name. He would never look at me the way he looked at her. He would never talk about me with as much admiration and reverence as he talked about her. All this time I had been kidding myself. Because Percy would never love me.

Percy looked over at Annabeth, who was fighting to keep a straight face. 'You're laughing at me,'

'I am not!'

'You are _so_ not making this easy.'

Annabeth laughed for real and put her hands around his neck. I felt cold and hot at the same time. I couldn't breathe. I wanted to run, to sprint, to cover my ears, _anything_. Anything to block out what was slowly unfurling in front of my eyes. I thought that maybe if I could distance myself from it, then it would not have happened. That maybe if I moved fast, I could get far enough away that reality would not be able to catch me. Then everything could go back to the way it was barely ten minutes ago. But I couldn't move, and was forced by my own treacherous limbs to watch what happened next, the funeral drum that was my heart pounding out it's uneven rhythm in my chest.

'I am never, ever going to make things easy for you, Seaweed Brain. Get used to it.' And then she kissed him. It took me a few seconds to realize that I could move once again. My eyes stinging, I rose to my feet, no longer caring if they saw me, teeth bared in a silent snarl just on the cusp of turning into a whimper, a howl of misery.

Distantly, I heard other campers, who I guess had been watching just like me, cheer as they stormed the pavilion, hoisting the protesting Percy and Annabeth onto their shoulders, joy on every face. A couple of people shouted something, and then they began carrying them down the hill. I was standing, clearly visible as they passed by me. But no one noticed. _No one even looked_. It was like I was invisible to them. Through my haze of rage and tears I made out Percy and Annabeth sitting astride their adoring public as they were carried towards the canoe lake. I felt another dull blow to my heart as I noticed they were holding hands. I heard Percy laugh a loud, exuberant laugh, and the tears spilled over.

I didn't know what to do. I looked around me and everything seemed too big, too vast, too bright. I had to think, to be alone, to be somewhere else. And so I did what I have done every day of my life since I lost my sister: I ran. I didn't even know where to go, but my feet seemed to guide me without conscious thought, and before I knew it I was at the edge of the woods. I couldn't see anything beyond the first row of trees accept swirling mist and shadow. It seemed like my kind of place. I felt the sun, which barely moments ago had felt so welcome, burning holes on my back, burning right through my facade and displaying the pain for all to see. I wiped the tears from my eyes and was just about to step under the welcoming canopy of trees when-

'Hey, Nico.' I looked around and saw someone running towards me. It took me a second to realize that it was that apollo kid... Will, I think his name was. I guess one person _had_ seen me. He jogged up, a crease forming between his eyebrows.

He took in my haggard appearance and red, bloodshot eyes. He cocked his head to one side. 'You ok?' he sounded genuinely concerned.

'I'm fine.' I muttered, turning away.

I had only walked a few paces when I felt a hand on my shoulder. 'You sure? You know I'm here if-'

'I said I'm fine! Just leave me alone!' I shouted, throwing his hand off me and glaring at him. His eyes were wide, but he didn't flinch away from me as most people do, he just lowered his hand. His expression was hurt but I was too mad to feel sorry. I turned away from him and ran off into the forest, letting the shadows swallow me. I'd had enough of sunlight for a lifetime.

I ran and ran and ran, the cold dank air whipping my face. I ran until my legs were numb and my lungs felt as though they might explode, and finally I could go no further. I looked around. I was in the clearing beside Zeus's fist, where Percy and Annabeth had first entered the labyrinth. _Percy_.

All around me I could hear the sounds of monsters howling, snuffling, yelping. But to me it all just sounded like laughter. It was the mocking laughter of the eternally damned ringing in my ears. Inescapable. I was trapped inside my own body. Inside my own mind.

My breath and my thoughts were racing too fast for my control. I wanted more than anything to disappear. To be nothing. To not have to think or feel. Anything to be free of the torture I face every minute of every day. The torture that comes from just being me. I wanted to forget about Percy, to not care about him, to have him just be another face in the sea of people who would never accept me. But I couldn't. Percy was the one person who had actually tried to help. He had made the effort to know me, which no one else had ever bothered to do. Percy was brave, and kind, and good. And not mine.

_'He doesn't love you... He doesn't need you... He doesn't want you...' _Voices came hissing at me from out of the shadows, though I wasn't sure if they were the voices of the dead or my own unwelcome thoughts.

_'He doesn't love you...'_

'I DON'T CARE!' I screamed back, defiant. 'I DON'T CARE ANYMORE!'

_'You do care. You care very much. You care when you see him with her... You care when you see him happy in another's arms... You care that he will never love you the way you love him-'_

'I DON'T!' By then I didn't know who I was shouting at, but I didn't care. Darkness swirled around me, enveloping me in it's cold embrace.

_'Who could ever love you? A child of the underworld... A child of death... You are an outcast, unloved, unwanted... You don't belong here, Nico Di Angelo...'_

I crumpled to the ground, covering my ears, a strangled scream taring from my lungs. But I could still hear the voices, reaching inside my head and pulling out my deepest fears, my darkest secrets.

_'Did you honestly think he could have cared for you? The only person who ever loved you was your sister, and see all the good _that_ did her... You were not meant for love, Nico Di Angelo... Not meant for friendship...' _

Tears ran down my face, which was screwed up in the effort to block out the thoughts I felt sure would overwhelm me. I knew the voices were right. I am not meant for love, or friendship. I don't belong here. I don't belong anywhere. Love and me were simply not compatible. Maybe me and life are the same way. Well, if I can't belong with the living, I will surely find solace amongst the dead. They are my people, my empire.

I don't know what to do, so I just lie here and think about everything that has lead up to this moment right now, for anyone who might be listening. I rise unsteadily to my feet. Tendrils of darkness are curling off my skin like smoke being swept along by the wind flowing through the trees, tiny wisps of pure shadow. Where do I go? I don't care. Anywhere other than this place. And so, I say goodbye, as I walk forward and let the shadows claim me, wrapping around me and taking me who-knows-where. Goodbye to Percy, and Annabeth, and Grover, and Will... Goodbye. Goodbye. I can't feel you anymore. I am an outcast. I am alone. I am unloved. I am Nico Di Angelo.

**So, what do you think? Like it? Hate it? Let me know! Oh, and I will admit to crying while writing the ending... DON'T JUDGE ME!**

**\- Allislove123**


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